If you’re asking yourself, “Should I stay or should I go?”, you’re not alone, even if it feels that way.

Many women find themselves quietly holding this question for months, sometimes years. On the outside, life may look fine. On the inside, there’s a constant back-and-forth: Is this just a rough patch? Am I asking too much? What if I leave and regret it? What if I stay and nothing changes?

Often, what makes this question feel so heavy isn’t just the relationship itself — it’s the fear that once you really look at it, you’ll be forced to decide straight away.

This is where therapy can feel both tempting and frightening at the same time.

 

Why this question can feel so frightening

For many women, the fear isn’t simply about staying or leaving. It’s about what that decision might mean.

You might worry that:

• Talking about it will make things worse
• A therapist will push you towards leaving (or staying)
• Once you say it out loud, you won’t be able to “put it back”
• You’ll be expected to know the answer immediately

So instead, the question stays on a loop in your mind. You try to think your way through it late at night, weigh up pros and cons, and search for certainty, often without finding it.

 

Therapy isn’t about deciding — it’s about understanding

One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that it’s a place where decisions get made quickly.

In reality, therapy is much more often a place where things slow down.

You don’t come to therapy to announce a verdict on your relationship. You come because something doesn’t feel right, and you want space to understand why.

Before any decision is made, therapy gives time to explore:

• who you are in this relationship
• what you’ve learned to tolerate or minimise
• what matters to you now, not what should matter
• how your needs and values show up in your relationships

Very often, clarity doesn’t come from pushing yourself to choose. It comes from understanding yourself more fully.

You don’t have to decide straight away

Many women arrive in therapy feeling panicked by the idea that they’re “running out of time”: that they should know by now, or that staying undecided means they’re failing in some way.

Therapy offers a different pace.

There is no expectation that you will:

• make a decision in the first session
• know what you want immediately
• have a clear plan

Instead, therapy creates space where uncertainty is allowed.

What actually happens in therapy when you feel unsure

If you’re worried that therapy will pressure you into a choice, it may help to know what the process usually looks like.

Therapy isn’t about telling you what to do. It’s about helping you hear yourself more clearly.

That might include:

• exploring what has brought you to this point
• noticing repeated relationship patterns
• understanding how past experiences influence present choices
• separating fear or guilt from genuine desire

Sometimes, women discover the question isn’t only “Should I stay or should I go?” but “Who am I becoming?” or “What do I need to feel emotionally safe?”

If you’re scared to open this question, that makes sense

It’s completely understandable to feel scared about approaching this in therapy. This question can feel life-altering, especially if you’ve spent a long-time putting others first or doubting your own needs.

You don’t need to be certain to begin.
You don’t need to have decided anything.

Therapy can simply be a place to pause and understand yourself better — without rushing.

A gentle next step

If you’re sitting with relationship uncertainty and something here resonates, you’re welcome to explore therapy at your own pace. Therapy doesn’t need to be about making a decision straight away. It can start with understanding who you are and what you want and letting clarity grow from there.